What It'd Be Like

Have you ever felt like a complete waste of atoms?
Like the future was something you just couldn't fathom
And you didn't even want to
Like you're not dead yet, but you're less than alive
And you gotta admit you're curious to know what it'd be like to die
Cause it seems like no one's there when you need it the most
But everyone will care when you turn into a ghost
I was the 10 the first time I put a razor to my veins
There was barely any blood cause I was startled by the pain
Don't ask me to explain
I can't remember what was going through my brain
I try not to think about it much and I haven't
I didn't know then that this would turn into my habit
I was a child, lost like so many
Uncool and unaware
Misunderstood and unprepared
I couldn't fight the world when I was too upset or too pissed
But somehow I felt in control with a knife to my wrist
I remember when I had my first kiss
It was 30 seconds of bliss
Followed by years of regret
Every day we'd meet 3rd period in the girls bathroom stall
But I couldn't even hold her hand as we walked down the hall
She was open and I was broken hoping no one could see through our "just friends" facade
Cause what would they think of me?
I wanted to be normal so badly
So much so that sadly
I left her for some guy
Lying, trying to convince myself that she was just a phase
Just something I had to try you know, just in case
Just a phase like these cuts that would fade
But these scars on my heart will never go away
I hate who I was then but I'll forgive myself some day
I remember the first time my mother saw my wounds
She was angry, upset, crying, confused
But that was also the first time I realized I had people that cared for me
That were worried and scared for me
And I cried
For all the times I honestly wished I would've died
I remember the first time I put a pencil to the page
The words cut me deeper than the sharpest end of any blade
And as I shed away the skin of the little girl I used to be
Finally I could see
And finally I was free
I remember the first time I learned how to be me
So have you ever felt like a complete waste of atoms?
Like the future was something you just couldn't fathom
And you didn't even want to
Like you're not dead yet, but you're less than alive
And you gotta admit you're curious to know what it'd be like to die
Cause it seems like no one's there when you need it the most
But everyone will care when you turn into a ghost
I know it's hard to tell but there are brighter days to come
Days you'll never get to see if you let yourself succumb
Love yourself, and never ever stop
Just stop trying to be someone that you're not
Depression is a motherfucker, but show him that you're stronger
Even when it feels like you can't take it any longer
And even when it feels like you've got nothing left to give
You gotta admit you're curious to know what it'd be like to live

Reality TV

Reality TV is an oxymoron
And if you didn't know that shit was scripted, you're a fucking moron
I'm tired of these stupid people with their smart phones
Whose personalities consist of Kardashian mentality and Jersey Shore quotes
Sucked into vacant concepts
Placated by constant nonsense
Fixed into pixelated images
Of glorified ignorance
Your parents were right
Sit too close to the TV and eventually you'll become blind
Unable to see
Reality diluted, saturated, and screened
Commercialized and shrunk down to fit into your screen
We turn a blind eye to homeless living in boxes
Cause we're too busy boxed in our own little boxes
Watching the world through a box that never seem to capture the full picture
This is what you call reality?
Make a show about teen mothers
And not a single one is a woman of color
Just a bunch of white girls from the suburbs
But that's alright.. guess there's enough black girls in that one show about women making fools of themselves and disrespecting each other
Yeah.. they had the nerve to call that one Love and Hip Hop
Almost as ironic as the Real World, where drunk white kids and a token black guy put on a show for the camera
Almost as funny as Survivor where privileged people survive a situation that they could bitch out of at any moment
You want some real world survivors?... New Orleans, Rwanda, Haiti, Japan
Sierra Leone, Chile, Darfur, Pakistan
Child soldiers, rebels, sex slaves, gangs
Genocide, virginity checks, but none of this is part of the scheduled plan
It's not sexy enough
Not quite marketable enough
They're only gonna show you what they want you to see
Force feed us Snooki and The Situation
So we'll forget and stop looking at the situation
In Palestine
The revolution will never be televised
They want to keep you complacent and sell you lies
Raise an army of full stomachs and empty minds
That'll shoot first and ask questions never
That's the American way
He'll be too busy watching the game and she'll be too busy watching The Game
To realize the game that's being played with our lives
The revolutions have never been televised
They've been squashed and swept under the rug
Before anyone can say "enough is enough"
We'll be too occupied to occupy anything
We're not in remote control of anything except maybe the remote control
They don't give a fuck about you
How's that for reality?
Closed eyes, open wallets
Never ending spending
And the bombs will keep dropping
And the shows will keep playing
And no one will even bother to explain why
But look on the bright side at least we'll be entertained right?

The Baddest Bitch

"Damn girl! You a bad bitch"
Excuse me? Boy, I think you need to get your eyes checked
No, scratch that, I don't think so.. I know it
Behold, you are looking at a poet
A daughter, a sister, a self-respecting woman
So address me correctly when you see me coming
See I don't know when we started this competition to be the baddest
But it's all over the radio and on every badly written Facebook status
So let's examine
"The baddest" is really just a grammatically incorrect way of saying the worst
This is a race to complacency so honey why are you running to be first?
Your thirst for attention is only quenched
By half-ass compliments from half-ass men
With fragile egos, hanging by a single stitch
As he looks you up and down he calls you a bitch
And normally you would flip
But he puts the "bad" in front of it
And suddenly it's okay?
You smile and say thanks like that shit just made your day
You love being a bad bitch and that's how you portray yourself
It's bad enough you accept such disrespect from somebody else
But now you've come to embrace it
Calling yourself a Barbie honey you sound so basic
Replacing your last name with Lewinsky cause you're content with being the mistress
You're just another clone in "one big room full of bad bitches"
And you've been replaced so easily by every man you've ever dated
You used to shine so bright but every night you get more wasted and more faded
Degraded, you're an accessory baby you're just for show
Drop it to the floor, how low can you go?
You think you're living the life, you swear you got it all figured out but honey I can't tell
You say you only roll with bad bitches? Well I only roll with smart ambitious women that have respect for themselves
And shit I'm far from perfect
But at least I know where my worth is
It's in these thoughts that ignite
These words that I write
See my ideas are original, and yours will always be knock-offs.. imitation
Cus what's a pretty face without some real conversation
What's sexier than being loving, confident, smart?
Sorry, but they don't make silicone for your brain or make-up for your heart
And at the end of the day honey let me tell you something
A bad bitch ain't got shit.... on a beautiful woman